Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
