Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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