I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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