My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
