Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
