on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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