it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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