WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize