Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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