when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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