shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize