It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
