New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize