I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize