Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
