you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're like the curious george of whores
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
