Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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