Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
