What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
