I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
