i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
