Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
