He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Someone shattered a urinal.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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