Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
