i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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