In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
