I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
