Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize