i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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