I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
