Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
