dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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