I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
