why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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