remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
