Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
