I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
