hell yes lets make some ravioli
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
