just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize