Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
