i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
