i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
