ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
