I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
