I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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