She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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