Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
