everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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