your parents love me but you hate me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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