Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
