Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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