Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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