Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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