She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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