oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
