great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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