I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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