I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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