I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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