I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
