I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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