i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize