so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
