FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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