How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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