This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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