my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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