You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
