Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
