thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
