It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
