I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
