bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
