well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
