I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
