Can Purell be used as lube?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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