whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
