well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize