You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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