someone get that fucking seahorse.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
