that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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