Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
