im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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