and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
