I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
