ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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