Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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