is your mom at the bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
