Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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