My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
