We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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