so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
