Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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