Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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