remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
