Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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