After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So much Jack, so little girl.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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