yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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