My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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