I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
