K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
