I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
