im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
