am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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