but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize