i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
