It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
