I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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