You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
