hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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