I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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